Incest and Child Sexual Abuse


Sometimes, adults abuse children sexually. This can happen to children of any age, but most commonly occurs between the ages of 7 and 13. Boys and girls can be sexually abused, and it happens within every race, ethnicity, and background. Children are often very confused and can feel ashamed when this happens. The majority of children do not tell anyone right away or even for years, often because they feel it is somehow their fault. It is important to know that if this happened to you when you were younger, it is not your fault and did not happen because of anything you did. An adult made a bad choice and took advantage of a child.

Healthy relationships are confusing and challenging when there is a history of sexual abuse. Sexuality and the way we view our bodies may be very different because of all the conflicting feelings experienced while enduring child sexual abuse.

When child sexual abuse is committed by a family member, it is called incest. Most people who commit child sexual abuse are trusted family, friends, or neighbors of the children they abuse. More than half are acquaintances of the child and his family, and more than a third are actual family members.

Here are some things you need to know if you were sexually abused as a child:

  1. Because sexual abuse may not seem violent, scary or dangerous at the time it is happening, and because it may happen often over a period of time, you may not think of it as a type of sexual assault, but that is exactly what it was.
  2. The touching may have felt good because our bodies have lots of nerve endings so we can sometimes feel pleasure even if we do not want that specific act to happen.
  3. Sometimes we are caught off-guard when people we know and trust do untrustworthy things. Our brains and bodies may freeze up before we are able to fight or try to run, and this may prevent you from having any reaction at all. This does not mean that you did not try to stop the situation, or that it was ot sexual assault.
  4. The contact may have happened one time and never happened again or over a period of several months or years. This confusion may cause you to ask what it all meant, and why were you chosen.
  5. If you were afraid to tell someone and kept it to yourself, it may still really hurt and feelings of shame and confusion may grow and build over time.


Remember: when someone cannot say YES to sex: whether it is due to use of drugs or alcohol, being under age, having disabilities that do not allow them to say YES on their own, are asleep or unconscious, or belong to the same family: that is not sex, it is rape.